Do you feel trapped in the daily rat race trying to survive until tomorrow which probably going to be even worse? Are you just about getting nowhere and seriously doubt your mission and vision by being overwhelmed with everything you just have to do.

We do all kind of time consuming tasks and we start to feel overloaded with obligations instead of the life we really want to live. We become uncertain about our path in life. Or even worse the goal starts to fade away into something that we don’t know any longer.

To get cinfidence and get out of the rat race you need to realize you’re in it and do something about it. Successful people are good to realize that they are in it and quick to take action to adjust their course.

The way to get out of the stress is to realize where you are and think about how you are using your everyday time. What do you have to start doing to feel you have more control over your life? It’s not possible to control everything but you want to have some slack to be able dealing with the unexpected, because there will always be some things from the outer world showing up.

To Do

List one or more habits that you want to implement in your life. Rank them by how much impact they will have on your life towards your personal goal of a happy life, the one you deserves to create for yourself. Pick the one that is most important and it should only be one to start with. Remember that this isn’t something to do just once or twice; we are building a new and very important habit here!

Now you might think about several things you want to do, BUT you don’t have time for it. So the way to deal with that is to make a list of the biggest time stealers/wasters in your life. What about “Lost” your 2 hour Facebook session explaining how little you been doing today or do you have some things that you could do simultaneously, like exercising and watching “Lost” suddenly that activity is very productive. Remember again how important it is to make this happen for your confidence.

Now you have to challenge yourself to really make it a habit. A habit is said to take 21 days to be established. When you’ve kept it up for that long you will keep doing it without effort. So the challenge is to be motivated with all kinds of support during this time. Be creative and use all possible tools and tricks you can make up. Tell your friends to coach you, promise someone or make a bet, reminders on paper, reminders in calendars and/or phones, use the carrot and the stick in all necessary ways you can possible make up. You can have some kind of reward when you kept it up for more than 21 days, and so on.

When this new habit of yours isn’t a big effort any longer you are ready to deal with the next important habit on your list to make that one effortless as well. When you keep on throwing in new important habits in your life the result will make a huge impact on your life. Just remember not to throw in more habits then there’s room for, otherwise you will end up in the rat race again. The way to balance is to have a clear look at what you want to do instead of something else less important and cut that out.

Confidence by better habits and never-ending improvements

In any relationship, no two people’s confidence will ever match to perfection. However successful couples tend to share part of a confidence continuum, usually the positive end, which raises the level of tolerance in each person, thus prolonging the union. Where confidence is highly mismatched, which affects a high proportion of relationships, one partner is likely to grow within esteem as he/she settles into the union and achieves his/her own goals, while the other will noticeably lag behind, more than expected feeling insecure and inadequate.
Within such cases it is difficult to be mutually supportive because the confident party would be keen to get on while the other would be more cautious, fearful or even resentful. As expectations won’t be met, frustrations soon become apparent, strangling enthusiasm and effort, while competition or apathy sets in. The seeds for a breakdown would already be within place. In fact, one could almost predict the development of a relationship from the individual scores of a good confidence quiz administered through courtship!

Hard to Please
People with low esteem are also very self-conscious in appearance, being difficult to please and to reach, because of their defensive barriers. They tend to be overtly superficial, mean with appreciation and often inspire little reliance within, or respect from, others. You will rarely hear the words ‘I love you’, ‘I admire you’, ‘You look great’, ‘Wonderful to have you within my life’, or ‘You’re so clever’ from low-confidence partners because they want such praise too and, not getting it from anywhere, they cannot reciprocate. Instead, they adopt a superior attitude and partners are likely to be treated as though they should be grateful for any affection or attention they receive.
However, being low in self-worth, and also with an insatiable need for reinforcement to boost their own egos, those of poor esteem are always expecting others to affirm them, to love them and to value what they do continuously. They tend to believe their more positive partners are never doing enough to appreciate them – a situation which is likely to become wearisome for that partner because of the one-way nature of the relationship. We have to love ourselves first before we can understand that love and then pass it back to others.
Low-confidence people also find it hard to solve personal difficulties. Being too ready to blame others for their own misfortune, they expect scapegoats to provide the answers, often refusing to believe that any solution lies within themselves. Blaming others becomes a handy crutch for doing nothing. Sadly, it also maintains their low self-acceptance and reduces their personal value and appeal.

Dragged Down by Negativity
The trouble with having extremes of confidence competing within a relationship is that, sooner or later, the positive person will be dragged down by the negativity of the other, be severely limited by her, be demoralised by his inevitable criticism and carping or, alternatively, be suffocated by her fawning, whingeing or marked lack of respect for personal space. Males with low self-esteem tend to be controllers in relationships, always keen to control their environment excessively, like wardens in a prison, and to point out blunders and errors. They tend to feel insecure if they are not in charge. Such men often seem quiet, retiring and competent to others, but are likely to behave like bullies at home, especially towards their family – the captive audience.
Characterised by weakness and dependency, females with low esteem tend to behave like doormats, always trying to please, even at their own expense. They are usually the last to appreciate their negative circumstances which many others can easily see. Often they take their treatment without a whimper, no matter how degrading, violent and brutal, within return for the continuing attention, approval and self-reinforcement they crave. In time, for both men and women, they lose their self-respect entirely, their friends gradually disappear and they become dependent upon their job as workaholics, upon friends or relatives, or upon each other, especially for self-reinforcement and validation. Such relationships are likely to exclude others, becoming increasingly limiting, claustrophobic and destructive in the end.

Organize your life and feel that the control of things gives you confidence and certainty. You can’t control events but you can make sure to keep your standard high and stay at a peek level. Then you will be ready to deal with surprises and events from the outside. And believe me they will happen no matter what because human beings and the world don’t always spin in the same pace. But again the more you manage the events within your control the better off you are to deal with the events outside your control. When you proactively deal with most of your musts there will be space for interruptions, just as when you clean out your wardrobe there will be space for more stuff in there. You just have to make sure that it is valuable staff and not junk that you prioritize. So if your house is clean you don’t have to panic if you got visitors by surprise or as the famous Judo champion did before every competition. He cleaned his entire apartment not to embarrass himself if he metaphorically died on battle and someone has to take care of his things later on. With that kind of mindset you will be confident in all your battles.

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self improvement

When you are up for a challenge and about to win or lose the doubts starts to play a vicious game with the mind. It’s all about what will happen to you either or this or that result. If you win there will be glory and you start to ask yourself if you can handle it or if you really deserve it.

If you lose you will be ashamed or humiliated and basically close to dead after investing all this time and effort to come here and lose. Everybody will laugh at you and your closest one will be disappointed because you let them down.

This is examples of what might happen in our head when we are about to perform. It can be present or subconsciously.  If so then WHY?!

Some say this is back to the old days when we actually died by a mistake, those fears and reflexes are there to make sure we survive. But today they serve us here and hold us back there. Whatever you believe about now and back then it still plays with our mind today.

One solution is to change your focus. Instead of asking yourself “IF” you can handle it, you rephrase and ask yourself “WHAT do I have to do to win this” Or “How can I make sure I will be outstanding” then your mind get into solution mode instead of doubt mode. Because doubts equals fear and fear narrows peoples mind. You want to expand your mind and focus all your resources on how to deal with this particular challenge that you are facing right now.

Change your focus by asking better questions and you chose if you “struggle or snuggle”

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We all have good and bad days as well as good and bad moments. Confidence is the same, sometimes the confidence is on and suddenly something happens and there’s no confidence. This is nothing new and everybody knows this by somebody we now or by ourselves.

What is interesting thought is why your confidence is strong in certain situations and how that knowledge can be used to gain confidence in situations where you have no confidence.  With the help of a few questions and answers that we will go through right here, you do an easy confidence test to work with. (Print it out or write it down on a piece of paper)

• When or where do you feel lack of confidence?
• How is your physiology at those moments?   (Posture, Breathing etc.)
• What do you focus on? ( How to fail or how to get through?)
• What type of questions do you ask yourself?
• What’s the biggest concern if something goes wrong in that situation?
• What can you do to avoid that from happening?
• When or where do you feel confident? (Place, situation,   moment)

What was different in that situation if you compare that with the questions from above? If you think that through and find a couple of differences that’s what you can focus on and work with. If you realized that you had a bad posture in the non-confident situation and that you were standing strong in the confident situations that could be a way to gain instant confidence if you learn how to deal with that.

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When I look back on all different challenges I’ve been facing and experienced so far in my life. Everything from passing the tests to become a diver in the navy, World Champion in full contact stick fighting, building up companies, running a international organization, teaching tactical units to deal with pressure to just know your place and feeling fulfilled in your life. It all comes back to one very important thing, confidence. To have the confidence and trust in your own commitment to get the result you expect from yourself. We all need it but it’s easier to say then to “sign” isn’t it?

During my years I have worked a lot to understand and apply confidence from within  and also coached people to deal with extreme situations and challenges all over the world. I know there’s many people that doesn’t feel confident in different areas of their life or certain situations. Some lack confidence completely in their life,  which not really true though but that’s how they feel.

I want to share how I’ve made people confident to deal with their challenges as well as my own. Wherever it’s for a fulfilling feeling in your personal life to deal with a extreme situation during heavy pressure. I will post articles on how to dive with explosives in complete darkness (we all have our time in the darkness here and there) or how to deal with a full board of directors trying to sell an unfinished product at age 23.

We all lose confidence here and there and it’s really important to get back on the horse again. That’s what this page will be about.

Get back up and GET CONFIDENCE